Perfectionism

Why am I so tied to what musket and others think about me, and way less concerned with how God truly sees me. I’m more like a 13 year old bulimic girl than I would like to admit, and that’s just sad. Why is trying to be me so difficult? Why is it so hard to feel confident? Why is it so hard to feel like anything is actually good enough. I know I’m so far from perfect that at times it feels like I should just quit and just leave behind all of the progress that I already have achieved with God’s help and provision. I have been given so much and I need to learn to remember it. I have infinitly so much more than 99% of people and if I don’t recognize that then I’m doing myself and God a disservice. If Jesus really does love me the way that I know he does, that should change so much about the way that I see myself, but it rarely actually does. The solution is a dying of myself and my pride and my need for control and an imparting of God’s values when it comes to work, sex, the way I see myself and the way that I’m perceived by others. Until I start getting that stuff straight, I’m really gonna have some serious trouble. It’s really hard to let people see the real and complete me when I’m not ready to deal with it myself. I’m working on that though. I really am. I love gettin older cause I get more comfortable in my own skin. I’ve got to keep pushing hard because as I do that, I see more fully who God really wants me to be, and that is what I want at my deepest core. Someday I’ll get there