Growing Symmetrically

t’s funny how we grow and develop, it’s really not linearly at all. I think we would like to imagine that we develop (or God develops) ourselves one task or character flaw at a time, but that doesn’t seem to be the way things happen for me at all. When I’m doing well with my lusts, I’m prideful and arrogant, when I’m humble and I realize God is all I need, I turn into an idolatrous workaholic set out to prove that I deserve God’s love. I heard a sermon on time that pointed out a couple of very interesting things about the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5)—first off, one thing that jumps off the page even if you went to public school is the singular use of the word fruit, and then listing several virtues that come from the spirit’s work in your life. It’s like Paul got a D in creative writing or something. Well, we all know that can’t be the case because Paul was basically a genius and of the highest intellectual stock, so he must be doing something there. It isn’t the ‘fruits’ of the spirit because they don’t grow individually independent in our lives—they grow symmetrically. Now this phrase was new to me, I had always assumed that the spirit would help me have a little joy here and there, keep my heart at peace from time to time, make me more loving, gentle, etc—but not grow them all at once. The reason why is each of the fruit are connected to the other ones (I happen to believe that they might even be hierarchal, but that’s a different idea). You can’t be more joyful, without becoming more peaceful or more gentle. There’s no way that your going to be more loving without being more patient, and someone is going to have to explain to me how you are going to develop more self control without becoming more faithful. I say all this to make me realize that I’m growing at a sad rate at all of these, and I need to remember to surrender to the spirit and allow his work to take root in all of these areas. This has been a tough year, no one would dispute that, but if I don’t take responsibility for what is going to happen in 2010, then I will let all of the suffering of 2009 be for nothing. I have to learn to finish. I’m way too scatterbrained at times. I have to learn to treat my time and organize my time the same way that I organize my computer, and to that level of precision. I have to learn to focus better and more clearly, recognize when I’m tired and need to rest, and when I’m just procrastinating. “Growing old aint for sissies” — Estil Siefert, my wonderful grandpa said that. Well, I’m not there yet, but I will be before I know it, and I need to learn all of this stuff before it gets too late. It’s hard, it’s full of suffering, and it sure aint for sissies.